What Did Jesus Mean by “Hate Your Mother and Father”?

What Did Jesus Mean by “Hate Your Mother and Father”?

Jesus had a way of thinning down crowds.

Luke 14 tells us that great multitudes were following Him. This was momentum. Influence. Popularity. And right in the middle of it, Jesus turned around and said something that would make most modern ministry consultants nervous:

“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, and his own life also—he cannot be My disciple.” (Luke 14:26)

Those are not soft words. They were never meant to be.

Jesus wasn’t trying to offend for shock value. He was doing something far more loving: He was clarifying the cost of discipleship 

Jesus Was Not Contradicting the Bible

At first glance, Luke 14:26 seems to clash with the rest of Scripture.

The Bible commands us to:

• Honor our father and mother (Exodus 20:12)

• Provide for our families (1 Timothy 5:8)

• Love one another (1 John 3:14–15)

So what is Jesus doing here?

The answer lies in the word hate.

What “Hate” Really Means in Luke 14

The Greek word Jesus used does not mean hatred in the modern, emotional, hostile sense.

It means:

• to love less

• to esteem less

• to choose one value over another

In other words, Jesus was saying:

If you do not love Me more than everyone else—if I am not your highest loyalty—you cannot be My disciple.

This isn’t about mistreating family. It’s about priority.

Scripture interprets Scripture.

Jacob and Esau: Loved More, Loved Less

Paul quotes God in Romans 9:13:

“Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated.”

God did not despise Esau emotionally. In fact, Esau was blessed materially and prospered. But by comparison, Jacob was preferred. Why?

Genesis 25 tells us Esau despised his birthright. He esteemed lightly what God had assigned. Jacob, flawed as he was, valued it.

God honored the one who honored what He gave.

This same principle appears again in 1 Samuel 2:30:

“Those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me shall be lightly esteemed.”

This is the pattern Jesus is drawing on in Luke 14

Loving Jesus More Means Loving Everything Else Less

Jesus is not calling us to dishonor our parents, abandon responsibility, or act arrogantly.

He is calling us to never allow any relationship—family included—to outrank obedience to God.

Matthew records Jesus saying it plainly:

“He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me.” (Matthew 10:37)

This is not emotional hatred. This is ordered love.

When God is first, everything else finds its proper place.

When Family or Friends Devalue God’s Will

This teaching becomes intensely practical.

What happens when:

• Family members discourage obedience

• Close friends belittle your calling

• Fellow believers mock what God told you to do

Jesus answers that, too.

In Matthew 12, when told His mother and brothers were looking for Him, Jesus said:

“Whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.”

Spiritual alignment outweighs natural proximity.

This doesn’t eliminate honor—but it does redefine closeness.

The Example of Eli: Loving Too Much in the Wrong Order

Eli, the priest, honored his sons more than God. Though their sin defiled the house of the Lord, Eli refused to confront them.

When judgment came, Scripture records something sobering: Eli collapsed not when he heard the Ark of God was taken, but when he heard his sons had died.

His priorities were revealed.

God’s indictment was clear:

“Why do you honor your sons more than Me?”

Love without order becomes idolatry.

What This Means for Disciples Today

Jesus is not asking:

• “Do you love your family?” He is asking:

• “Do you love Me more?”

Discipleship requires choosing God’s will:

• over approval

• over comfort

• over relational pressure

• over even self-preservation

This is why Jesus immediately followed Luke 14:26 with a teaching on counting the cost. He does not recruit emotionally—He recruits truthfully.

The Promise for Those Who Choose Correctly

Jesus never demands sacrifice without promise.

Peter said, “We’ve left everything to follow You.”

Jesus responded:

“There is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time… and in the age to come, eternal life.” (Mark 10:28–30)

No one who chooses Christ first ends up impoverished.

God replaces what is surrendered with what is eternal.

Who Are We Called to “Hate”?

Not people.

But any voice—no matter how close—that despises what God has assigned.

To “hate” in Luke 14 means:

• loving God more

• esteeming His will above all else

• refusing to let anyone talk you out of obedience

You can love people deeply and still love God supremely.

That is not extremism. That is discipleship.

There is a time to love and a time to love less.

When Jesus is first, everything else becomes clear.

And that clarity is worth the cost.

If this blessed you, listen to the podcast that inspired it: "Hate Your Father and Mother?"